I’m Lazy… HELP!

Lana Del Rey - Young and Beautiful (by LanaDelReyVEVO)

Will you?


As I click on the icon to open my Microsoft Word app I keep thinking how much has changed.  Time keeps flying by and I keep feeling stuck in one place.  Do you ever feel so unsatisfied with yourself?  So sad with who you are that the thoughts you have should not be thought by any individual who has a grain of self worth.  Well maybe you do and that’s why you’re reading this, maybe you don’t and this only reassures your internal opinion of you are.  It’s so easy for others to look in from the outside and tell you exactly what’s missing, what needs to change, why you are the way you are… So why is it so hard for me to see it!  I have someone I really care about and we have been together for a very long time.  I always assumed that relationships with some sort of longevity were supposed to be familiar and caring, not sad and uncertain, however, all I feel these days is the latter of the two.  Maybe I am seeking something that I cannot get from this individual; maybe what I want doesn’t exist.  It just makes me soo sad to believe that my largest hope and longing for finding someone who loved me in a way that I never knew I could be loved, is nothing more than an illusion.  Perhaps I expect too much from others and not enough from myself.  Romance is something that I have always strived and searched for, is that wrong?  Is it wrong to hope that one day the persons eyes you stare into is someone that not only makes you happier beyond your wildest dreams, but also makes your existence that much more understandable.

I feel like this most days.

I feel like this most days.

Rangers bday treat. Fukin dog is spoiled!

Rangers bday treat. Fukin dog is spoiled!

Age? Yes or no. Are there any people looking forward to growing old. Same note are there any people terrified of it.


Starring at the edge.  The most unlikely place I thought I would find myself.  Teetering on the edge of my own psyche.  So torn by my own thoughts.  Do you ever look in the mirror and question what you see?  Are you the person you portray to the world? Are the person you try soo hard to be when you wake up in the morning?  Can they see right threw me?  The only thing that makes me feel real is my doubt… and the tears that stream down my face every time I look in the mirror and know “if only they knew… me”.  My words, my breath and my hope are the only things that while driving me insane… Keep me sane at the same time.  Perception is a tedious sense, know you before you know your neighbor.




this man is my new hero